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I need to read this over and over and over. My heart is full of unrest tonight, and my head will not stop creating an abundance of sadness that threatens to overwhelm me.
For those of you who know me, you'll know I'm okay - for those of you who don't, believe me.
(Just to give credit, I found this at FeMail Creations)
This post should go over to "Echoes of the Night," but I feel like more of you follow me here than there.
Fall is not a good season for me. It brings in the blues of depression, not the blues of springtime and flowers. Most depression can be walked off, talked off, or slept off. Mine makes me go deeper than that and lower than I ever want to go. Some people have dreams and nightmares. I become my nightmares.
Being Bipolar means I will probably read this tomorrow and say, "Why the hell did I post that? What was wrong with me?" I'm trying to learn to live in the moment and not beat myself about how I felt today. I know we control the moment. I still beat myself up for the past, and I have no control over the future (other than I believe it is in God's hands which provides a lot of comfort).
My manic bouts are minor and far and few between, it's the depression part that eats away at my innards. The guilt sets in when I realize how much I have - not possessions - but people that love me, healthy children (except for one, and that's due to choices he's made). I have a husband that loves me and never thinks of walking away from me when I'm ready to give up on myself. So, the thoughts come in playing around in my mind and taunting me: "What are you whining about?" I'm not whining - I'm running. I'm running from me.
(If you click on this, you should be able to see the little boat out in the middle. That's where I am tonight. I can see the harbor, and I am close to shore where I will find peace and drop my anchor.)
Of all the photos I've taken, this is probably my favorite. It's on the north shore of Kaua'i with "Bali Hai" in the background. It you "bigify" this you'll notice the wave breaking still shows the blue water. I've not traveled much but this is the place I want to be again...
Katie is a Shih tzu. She loves everyone and has no enemies. Except for saw grass. She came in the other night just covered in the stuff. It is kind of like a bee stinger - it's like sandpaper and the more you try to get it out of the fur, the more tangled it becomes!
Katie has a very soft coat with an even softer undercoat. It wouldn't budge with her grooming comb or brush, so out came the scissors! Afterwards, she looks like she was attacked by Edgar Scissorhands.
The bottom pic is what she and Zoe look like after a few hours at the groomers.
Oh, by the way, have I ever mentioned that Zoe is the brains in this outfit?
Same sky, just different sides of the road. This is more from San Simeon - the park and the old village wall.
This was taken a couple of weeks ago at Moonstone Beach, Cambria. Down at the bottom of the rocks where the tide was beginning to surge, there were a lot of little shells (see post below - Sunday Blessings) and a couple of sea urchins. It's fun to stick your fingers into a sea urchin and have it close up on your finger! Yes, I was a strange child...
Okay, you all know the drill: Please click on over to Crazy Working Mom
I love the beach. I don't think there's any other place I'd rather be. Other than a lake. Or a stream. Or a river. Okay - the point is - I love the water! Cambria reminds me of Big Sur, on a lesser scale. It's south of Monterey, where we spent some of our honeymoon, back in '78. This is the kind of place I'd love to pitch my tent - take that, Gadaffy!
Seriously, I'd love to have a quaint little shop, with lots of greenery, art, handmade jewelry and artifacts from the sea. And of course, art. Big pieces, little pieces, on canvas, on tin, on wood; in oils or acrylics; art glass, twinkling lights, stained glass - a whole cacophony of art! And music....soft dulcimers, pounding pianos, smooth guitar riffs, and jazz. Candles... lots and lots of candles. Silks and satins, soft cottons and velvets, in which to walk along the sandy beach; warm cups of tea and coffee served in bone china cups....delectable.
Have a blessed Sunday.
I guess this is cheating - there's more surf than sky! It's San Simeon which used to be a whaling village many moons ago. The infamous Hearst Castle is situated on top of a hill, directly to the left. I took a shot but with my cheap camera, it didn't turn out well. One of my favorite spots on the coast is Cambria. The view from the pier is looking back that way...
