---Alice Abrams

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Echoes of a "Mother's Heart"

My mother's heart aches tonight. My family is fragmented and my heart hurts. I am "estranged" from my brother and my son is "estranged" from his sister. My son called me this afternoon. I was so happy to hear from him, yet a call or visit from him is usually a very stressful ordeal. He is never happy with his lot in life, he sees himself as a victim in the never-ending chapters of his life's story.

He is one of the most giving people I know, but if he feels he has been wronged, he will not let it go. He feels his sister has betrayed him and he cannot keep from taking her to task over and over again to me when he calls. I've let him know that I cannot, will not take sides and that I love them both deeply.

His sister, on the other hand, feels he has let her down and is deeply hurt by his behavior. And here I am, at odds with my brother. What an example I am!!! And all I want is for this family to be healed...

My brother and I had our "difficulty" in August, 2004. Doug passed away in April, 2005. When I called my brother to let him know that Doug was in the hospital and was critical, I hadn't spoken to him since that August, but he was instantly my "little brother" again. He was concerned about all of us and was here for the funeral and was most comforting to me. But afterwards, it has been up to me to do the e-mailing. I have to find out his news by reading his blog. I've apologized but I just can't seem to make it right.

My son feels that Doug's death was the worst thing, besides his dad's death, that has ever happened to him. He feels as though shop personnel took advantage of his sister after Doug's death and that his sister doesn't see it and has taken sides with them over him. They are both nurturing a deep pain, all resulting from things that occured after Doug's death. It grieves me to think how Doug would feel if he could know what has happened to all of us since '04. He was in rehab that summer and in pain most of the time he had left on this earth.

I can only pray that God will touch this little family of mine and heal our hearts and give us all peace.

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