---Alice Abrams

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Echoes of the Right Thing...

I had to do the right thing...I can't stand the nagging little voice in my head that sometimes keeps on telling me to act upon my better nature and do what I know is right. So, I emailed KR. It had been since July and I didn't get the reply I wanted then so what would make this any different?!? No, I'll just wait...But, oh no. There's that voice thing again, conscience, I think it's called. Or in cartoon parlance, it's the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.

So, I just dropped a "Hi, hello, how are ya doing," kind of a note. He did let me know that he's sorry about our house still sitting on the market. He informed me that his father-in-law is down to just a matter of days left on this earth. I'm grieving for my SIL. It's so hard to lose a parent.

In reading my bro's blog, he mentioned that he's writing a third book. I feel so sad that I have to find out about his life that way. He had gone to S.C. for a TV interview for his second book - I got that from the blog also. Of course, I used that as a gateway for my was a way to congratulate him on all the things that are going well for him. And, truthfully??? I mean it. I really do.

I watched a TV program today (Naomi Judd on Hallmark). One of the questions was, if you were estranged from a sibling and he/she needed a kidney, would you step forward and offer yours. I immediately knew that I would. I realize that I sound like a martyr and I don't want to appear that way. It's just in my spirit.

Funny thing about me: I was standing at the kitchen sink one day and watched a mouse scurry out from under our pond and dart out and grab some stray bird seed that the doves had scattered. My husband happened to see it, too, and the next thing I knew, he was making big plans for the immediate death of the poor mouse. Now, I know that having vermin in your backyard is not a real good thing. But, my imagination took over and I saw a whole family of little mice awaiting more life sustaining seed coming their way to fill their little bellies. Wally looked at me and knew it was a lost cause.

A few days later, I was standing in the same spot and here comes my cute little mouse again. Before I could blink, a hawk swooped down and grabbed Mr./Mrs. Mouse in his talons and flew away to the top of my fence and proceeded to rip him into a mouse taco. Arghhh! I went out the door and swooshed him away and he obliged with the departed mouse in tow.

The lesson I took from this is that nature and nuture cannot always be symbiotic, as dearly as I would love this to be so. This is true with my relationship with my bro. I love him dearly but his nature and mine are no longer symbiotic unless I participate in a little back patting. This is necessary for any kind of relationship with him. I understand this is due to the nuturing he had as a child. I think that's why my absence at the important party was such an issue. Anyway, although my self-image is important also, it must be fed by a different stream and I must continue to be a nuturer. Would I give my kidney? You bet I would. Can I give my pride? When I can....

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