---Alice Abrams

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

My Top Five Goals - Tagged

I was tagged for this one by Skittle's Place and it's quite a bit different than other memes. Here's what to do, so pay attention in case I tag you.

  1. List and write about the top 5 to 10 goals that you gotta get so that you can truly say you have achieved your wildest dreams in life. These have to be your best, most exclusive, and over-the-top goals that you can pick off your goals list.
  2. Leave a link back to the meme's author.
  3. Don’t forget to put a link to the blogger who tagged you.
Goal #1: GET A HANDLE ON MY WEIGHT - Slowly but surely, I'm starting to creep back up the scale just a little bit at a time. I can't eat a lot because the size of my stomach was reduced but it has stretched since surgery (which was expected). The problem is my inactivity and addiction to carbohydrates - BAD carbohydrates. I've developed the cortisol "beer-belly" and I don't drink beer! Cortisol is produced by stress and too many carbs and deposits fat in the mid-section. I'm still at a healthy weight but this "pregnant" look is not becoming, nor is fat in the middle healthy!
Goal #2: LEARN TO LET GO - I'm a pack rat. I have treasures from my parents, my grandparents, my aunts, my great-grandparents. My kids have taken what they want and I am having a difficult time letting go of "things." Most of my treasures are furniture so I cannot move with all of it. It's difficult for me to be able to part with family things - I feel as though I'm being unfaithful or disrespectful. My relatives would not want me to feel burdened by their "stuff," so I have to tell myself it's time to let go and let someone else enjoy and take pleasure in the things I can no longer keep.

The second part of learning to let go is to let go of portions of the past that are keeping me from advancing. Healing can only occur when you allow yourself to finally release the real and imagined hurts from the past. Address anger and deal with it. Anger is a cancer and unless one can find answers, anger will continue to eat away at your soul. I can live a longer and happier life if I can let go.
Goal #3: LEARN TO MAKE DO ON LESS - I have always been impetuous - I don't always look before I leap. Therefore, I have gotten us in a few binds financially. Not having my income any longer has made me only too aware of what I can do without. For instance, a $15 bottle of hair conditioner is no longer an option. Coupons are my best friends. Getting my hair cut at a fancy salon every four weeks in no longer in my date planner, along with a manicure. Eating out every Friday night is a thing of the past.

But it's okay. I have my hubman. We're going to have a roof over our heads; our children and grandchildren are healthy; we love each other; we have our shared faith in God. My darling doesn't hold me responsible for losing the house; in fact, he constantly reassures me and tries to keep me from falling into the pit I keep digging for myself.
Goal #4: MAKE USE OF MY TALENTS - I strive for perfectionism so none of my artistic expeditions have been good enough. Most of my canvases have remained in my closets. I have a couple I felt were worthy of going on the wall but any time someone complimented me, I would do my little self-deprecating song and dance of "Oh, it's not any good..." I expect Louvre quality out of myself instead of relaxing and just enjoying the simple pleasure of using the paints and brushes to create and not putting such demands on myself. Fear stifles creativity. I need to be bold and not afraid.
Goal #5: LEAVE FEAR BEHIND ME - I started this in the last paragraph and need to carry it forward. I have lived in fear for so long it has become a close companion. This goes against the teachings of my faith. My dad taught me the 91st Psalm - he had me memorize it after my grandfather died and I became afraid of the dark. In this particular Psalm, God promises to send his angels to keep watch over us.
When I got married, the Viet Nam war was raging and I lived in fear that my husband would be called up. When he died, it was less than a mile from our home. I once read a sign on a church billboard that read:
"Worry builds bridges over rivers you'll never have to cross." That just about sums up the effects of worry on my life. My neurons just fire differently than they should and I seemed to be chronically poised over a slough of despair of some sort or another. I'm working with my doctor and taking baby steps as I try to face my demons head on. They say recognizing fear is the first step to conquering it.