---Alice Abrams

Sunday, March 11, 2007

DOG vs CAT...

*Excerpts from a Dog's Diary*

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

* Excerpts from a Cat's Diary*

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! They don't understand my power!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,

so he is safe...

for now...


Barb said...


Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Gracie. I loved it!!! It really made me laugh. A wonderful way to brighten my Monday. Thanks for sharing.

Shaz said...

Thanks Gracie. My 19 year old cat is going to the great catary in the sky this afternoon so it was nice to read your post & smile x x

Constance said...

Ha-ha-ha Gracie !!!! That was great !!! Hee-hee. Very very good way to start the morning !

My cat just raced in and knocked several items off the desk. Clearly she is in simpatico with yours...

whimsical brainpan said...


Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

well that was a hoot honey! thanks for sharing it with us....

smiles, bee

Katie said...

I love this one too!

My cat Newt looks just like that picture!!!

Linda said...

I got this in an email the other day and thought it might make a funny post someday - I'm glad to see that there's another brilliant mind like mine out there that thought the same thing!

This is so funny that I read it all the way through and laughed again because the cat is just so dead-on! I'm sure that my cat is thinking these same thoughts!

Dean aka Sgt Dub said...

Another great laugh I have gotten to enjoy tonight, and it seems so true.

jmb said...

Hi Grace,
I'm visiting all the 50 plus bloggers' sites one by one, I'm there too, but should be in the over 70s. So browsing, I found this post which is hilarious. I've never had a cat, only dogs. Never taken to them and now I know why!
That was great!